The World Health Organization reports that roughly 10% of women between the ages of 15-49 struggle with infertility (Cavaliere, 2023), and about 23 million miscarriages occur yearly on a global scale (Tuyl, 2024). Despite the statistics and prevalence of infertility worldwide, many women are also carrying the weight of infertility stigma, whether socially inflicted or self-internalized, which negatively impacts one’s psychological wellbeing (Taebi et al., 2021).
Along with the social stigma, there is tremendous grief that rears its head that is not nearly talked about enough, and likely reinforces the stigma. There is also anxiety, depression, guilt, and anger that arises, as well as a de-evaluation of self (Taebi et al., 2021). Women report feeling worthless, lowering their self-esteem, and their romantic relationships often suffer, increasing distress (Taebi et al., 2021). To this, many women who are approaching the end of their childbearing years, and may not have had the opportunity to conceive, are also vulnerable to major psychological consequences. In fact, the intense grief, envy and depression can even manifest into physical symptoms (Balen & Bos, 2009).
Whether you are coping with infertility and/or involuntary childlessness, or know somebody who is, here are 3 ways to cope.
- Avoid self-blame, nourish self-empowerment
A common defense mechanism reported by women who are navigating infertility and/or involuntary childlessness is finding something to blame, which is often directed towards themselves (Taebi et al., 2021). This may look like seeing themselves as lower than others who have children and internalizing that something must be wrong with them as a result. An antidote to this line of thinking is working on self-empowerment by intentionally ignoring judgment, both of self and the perceived judgment of others, and distracting oneself from negative spirals through conscious, feel-good activity (Taebi et al., 2021). - Modify your relationships & access peer support
Societal and familial pressures to conceive can stir up negative feelings for those undergoing reproductive treatments and/or those who haven’t had the opportunity to start a family. Research shows that seeking support from individuals who share similar experiences can reduce feelings of social isolation and improve one’s quality of life (Taebi et al., 2021). Set boundaries in relationships that feel less supportive and understanding and seek out others who have had similar experiences to your own. - Seek a specialized mental health professional
It’s important when seeking mental health support for infertility challenges or grief associated with involuntary childlessness that your mental health professional specializes in these areas, either through personal experiences or clinical expertise. Mental health professionals who take on clients without this specialty often leave their clients feeling more isolated in their experience (Stringer, 2017) and can cause more harm to their clients’ wellbeing. If you are in this boat, educating oneself and practicing self-advocacy is key – you deserve tailored treatment.
Your monthly check-in:
- Are there people in your life undergoing infertility challenges or involuntary childlessness? How can you show up for them and reduce toxic shame and stigma?
- Looking for an infertility therapist? Visit this link for resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/on/toronto?category=infertility
References:
Balen, F, v., & Bos, H, M, W. (2009). The social and cultural consequences of being childless in poor-resource areas. Facts, Views & Vision,1(2),106-121. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4251270/
Cavaliere, G. (2023). Involuntary Childlessness, Suffering, and Equality of Resources: An Argument for Expanding State-funded Fertility Treatment Provision. The Journal of Medicine & Philosophy, 48(4),335-347. https://doi.org/10.1093/jmp/jhad026
Taebi, M., Kariman, N., Montazeri, A., & Majd, H, A. (2021). Infertility Stigma: A Qualitative Study on Feelings and Experiences of Infertile Women. International Journal of Fertility and Sterility, 15(3), 189-196. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8233927/
Tuyl, R, V. (2024). Improving access, understanding, and dignity during miscarriage recovery in British Columbia, Canada: A patient-oriented research study. Women’s Health, 20. https://doi.org/10.1177/17455057231224180Stringer, H. (2017). No insurance required: Psychologists who treat the trauma of infertility. American Psychological Association, 48(7). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/07-08/trauma-infertility
